My heart is hurting.
Hope seems to just be a fleeting thought.
I long for the day when heaven engulfs me in a blanket of grace and pain is no more.
The darkness isolates me and it is as though the sun forgets to shine on my ever hurting being.
I know the sun will rise again tomorrow; as will I. My eyes will open and my lungs will expand with the very first breath of the morning. My bare feet will press against the cold floor as I pull myself up from my slumber. All of this is a reminder that I am alive. By the grace of God, I am alive. Life is a gift but lately, it feels like a burden. Another chance to not succeed. Another chance to forget who I want to be. But it will be okay. I will be okay.
A heaviness weighs on my shoulders. My body feels like a prison. Gravity is not my friend when I’m trying so hard to take steps forward. I stand in solitude; all else has crumbled beneath my feet. I can choose to stand among the wreckage or rise above it. The rubble is my comfort. My safety. If I choose to move forward, I choose to lose security. Oh how I wish it was an easy choice but when you become so accustomed to something for so long, how do you leave it behind?
Yet, I carry onwards. I pick up what is left of me and piece it together like a mosaic made of precious jewels. Each jewel alone exudes magic and beauty but when placed together, no other form of life can fathom its beauty. The stars fall from the sky in awe of the strength I behold.
So let the sunlight cover me.
Let the walls around me fall like dust.
My heart is heavy but still I will rise just as I have done everyday before.
Will it get better? I don’t know. But I will keep fighting until then.