My sweet friend.
You don’t have to tell me. I can see it in your smile. Or lack of smile. I can see you are struggling.
The waves of mental illness push you down every time your feet graze the soft sand. The wave of emotion comes at you like a tsunami. You get hit with one thousand things all at once.
Everything falls down at once and you quickly lose your footing. I see your hands grasping for something. Anything. Something to keep you afloat.
Someone to help pull you out. Your world collapses in on itself. You are in the middle of the rubble waiting for the storm to end.
Climbing a pile of rocks which slides down with every step. It’s easy to fall back into old habits when it’s all you know.
I hear your silent weeping as you sit on the bathroom floor pulling at your hair.
“Make it stop. I just want to be okay!”
Your eyes wet with tears that are quickly wiped away. Shaking hands. You long for it to all go away. Anything to make it go away. I hear the way you say you are fine but your voice breaks before you can finish the word.
You turn the attention to others making sure they are okay. Anything to make others happy. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. Even if no one else can see you. Or hear you.
I know you are struggling.
I’m not going to tell you it will be okay. I’m not going to tell you that you will be okay. I will tell you though that you are stronger than you believe. You are capable of making it through.
I see you trying to stay alive. I know it’s hard. But I see you.
You are worthy of life and of living.
You are worthy of joy and laughter.
You are worthy of help.
You are worthy of wellness.
You are worthy of healing.
You are worthy.
Just as the sky is blue and the oceans’ vast, you are worthy.
So yes. I see you struggling. But I also see you trying. And I love you through it all