Life with mental illness
It's that time of the year where the darkness of night outweighs the light of the day. The cold encapsulates the morning air. Every breath outdoors burns in your lungs. Christmas has passed but the new year has yet to begin. We are constantly in a state of not knowing what day it is and …
"If you saw me the way I see myself, you would understand why I feel like I shouldn't be alive anymore." This is the thought that has been playing on repeat in my mind. As though my very breath speaks these words directly into my heart. Trapped by a phrase that is simply letters strung …
Living. Breathing. Being. It’s exhausting. I eat breakfast and the curl back into bed. I play one song on the piano and then crawl under the covers. I clean off my desk and then lie down. I’m not lazy. I’m not lazy. I’m not lazy. I so desperately want to function like everyone else. Spend …
To be honest, I've never loved my birthday. In fact, it has often been one of my least favourite days of the year. September 3, 1996. The day I was born and also the day I started dying. Pretty morbid, I know but so often I wish I was never born. When I was in …
Every morning, I dread the alarm that reminds me I'm alive. Morning. The room is lit up from the small window behind my bed but it still feels too dark. Just as I fall back asleep, my alarm goes off a second time. The cool air stings my skin as I crawl out from underneath …
My heart is hurting. Hope seems to just be a fleeting thought. I long for the day when heaven engulfs me in a blanket of grace and pain is no more. The darkness isolates me and it is as though the sun forgets to shine on my ever hurting being. I know the sun will …
We have been taught that loving our bodies is considered 'conceited.' I have spent many hours staring into a mirror wishing I looked different. I have looked at pictures of myself and felt physically sick because I believed I was fat. I starved myself in hopes of becoming more beautiful. How could someone love me …
I have recently been realizing that my dreams for my future may not be possible. and it's killing me. Ever since I was in treatment for ed, I have wanted to start a group home for girls with eating disorders. After being told I was so sick that I had about 6 months to live …
You are not my friend, yet we have grown so close. You have been there for me at all times. In my happiest moments, you show up to remind me that I am undeserving of the joy that has found me, or rather, that I have found. But, it's for my own good, right? Balance …
What is it like to have a mental illness while attending a bible college? It's wanting to stay in bed but not wanting to miss classes. It's wanting to make friends and not be alone but being too afraid of what they might think. It's wanting to get perfect grades but having no energy to …
