It’s been awhile since I have been locked up in the walls of a hospital. It’s a different hospital than the times before. New nurses, new patients, everything is different. Yet the feelings remain the same. Frustrated, angry, hurt. That part is completely the same. The hospital lights are bright. Fluorescent. The sounds of patients …
Back to School?
This is the first year not going back to school in 19 years. No bags are packed. No school supplies labeled. No friends waiting for my arrival. Instead I sit here as a "student" who never graduated. Not an alumni. But rather failed product of a school that left me feeling like I was never …
I Hear You
My sweet friend. You don’t have to tell me. I can see it in your smile. Or lack of smile. I can see you are struggling. Drowning. The waves of mental illness push you down every time your feet graze the soft sand. The wave of emotion comes at you like a tsunami. You get …
Sunset Eyes
There is a fire in your eyes. The veins of light that glow in bright orange mixed up with a vibrant red as you face the sun with heavy eyelids. The shadows flash by with a stark contrast. Almost like tv static flashing in and out of dark and light. The heat from the sun …
End the Stigma
The mental health system needs to change. The stigma needs to be erased. For years I’ve struggled with getting help when needed. It seems almost impossible at times. 2 year wait lists for eating disorder treatment or throwing thousands of dollars at private treatment centres. Going to the hospital plagued with suicidal thoughts only to …
Reflect
I lie here scrolling through instagram. Every picture reminds me I’m not enough. I was never enough. I was supposed to graduate this year. Caps and gowns draped on people who I once walked alongside. But I swear they forgot me when I left. Every picture they share, my heart shatters a little bit more. …
Oh My Ward p.2 – Angry
I’m angry. Maybe I should be relieved. Or happy. But I’m angry. I’m angry that I texted my friend. I’m angry that she came over. I’m angry that I opened the door. I’m angry that they called the ambulance. I’m angry that they kept me alive. I’m angry that it didn’t work. It didn’t work. …
The Depressed Bee
It's hard to understand what people experience when they are going through depression. You can't see the same darkness they see. You can't feel the same weight they do. You can be the most empathetic person in the world but you will never know the exact things going on in their mind. As someone who …
Learning the Balancing Act
To be honest, I hate that you can’t tell that I’ve had an eating disorder. I hate that my body has changed so much from when I was once sick. I look back at old pictures and mourn over the loss of visible bones through translucent skin. I often will tell myself that I wish …
My Brain is Sick
My brain is sick. Very sick. I hate to admit that. It’s not physical. You can’t hear me falling apart. You can’t see the lack of chemicals. There is no evidence of the life I live aside from the stories I tell and the art I create. There is no way to know I’m telling …
